This Tiny Shift In Understanding Around Your Clients Life Cycle Is Life-Changing
This one’s for the teachers, coaches, healers and sensitive leaders....
In my human experience, rejection and loss are among the hardest things to handle. Both can be traumatizing on many levels. But most of us who are leading, teaching, and helping others heal will experience this to some degree almost every day we show up for our work.
Whether it’s that brilliant social media post that doesn’t get the attention deserved, or a coaching client who is ready to move on once your contract is done…
Rejection and loss are exhausting!
In the past I sometimes felt bad when my clients or students would disappear after we were done working together. The work we did was often very deep, so I wanted to know how they were doing, and what they were thinking! I really enjoy doing my work, in particular witnessing growth and knowing I am a key part of that.
But the thing is: It’s not about me — it’s about THEM! And sometimes you have to “lose” them, so they can truly find themselves. On their own.
Frequently my clients will take some time away to integrate the teachings and then emerge victorious. They may even adopt a whole new persona in alignment with their shift in perspective. Sometimes I don’t hear from them until they have a successful new career and I spot them somewhere online, or they surprise me with a ‘thank you!’ out of the blue.
Oftentimes they will come back ready to get to work again. I always enjoy this—especially when I have developed new tools and teachings to support their next stage of growth. (And I am always growing and stretching into new territories!)
Then there are those times when I just don’t hear from them ever again! I may even reach out but get no response. But I trust in the divine flow because I always live and work with the universe as my co-creator.
But get this: Sometimes the lack of response is simply because they don’t know how to put what they experienced into words. Or they might just feel ashamed because they can’t afford to go further and keep working with you.
You may even find they come back years later ready to engage again. This has happened to my surprise many times.
It took me a long time to realize that all of this was just part of the process. I had to become confident enough in myself and my work to not take any of it personally.
But why is this so hard to face?
Humans are hard-wired to belong
We have this need that is deep-rooted emotionally, neurologically and genetically through our basic survival instincts. That is one reason why abandonment and rejection can be SO challenging for us to experience.
If you have personally experienced significant relational trauma in these areas, you may be especially vulnerable to rejection or loss — and that can make it doubly hard for us to do our job, and put ourselves out there.
(Empaths and highly sensitive leaders — I'm looking at you.)
So what happens when your students and clients are done with your special program or service?
If they are ready to keep working with you, and what you are offering next is the right match for what they need next, they will certainly want to continue on. As long as they are able to fit it into their budget without stretching so far that it causes undue stress, that is a good thing for everyone!
BUT you should also understand this very important caveat:
If you did your job well you helped them AND gave them the tools so they could thrive on their own without you. Then guess what…?? They may not actually need you anymore!!
And that means…*drumroll*
You did your job.
That is not a failure. It’s a big old WIN. And that requires a mature understanding to wrap your heart around.
If you are a leader — especially one of the highly sensitive Empath persuasion — it definitely helps to remember that people will be coming into your orbit and circling their way back out into the world forever. It’s just part of the process.
And that’s exactly what you are here for: To help your students and clients make their way to the next cycle of their evolution.
Whether they stay with you longer, or learn what they need quick and earn their wings, you should never take it personally if they fly!
It is not a rejection. It is simply the universal mechanism which you have agreed to be a part of. So you can let go of any guilt and frustration now and forever… (exhale)
If you are a high integrity teacher, coach or healer, you will naturally be giving people the tools to thrive — Not creating a dependency on you! In fact, your goal SHOULD be exactly THAT: to help them grow their wings to fly on their own.
If you are NOT doing this because you are more concerned with padding your own bottom line then being of real service—or because you need the validation of a cult of worship around you—it’s time for some serious self-evaluation.
This is different from any other kind of relationship
The teacher-student relationship is truly its own thing. It has aspects of a partnership, a friendship, and a mentorship, with unique rules and intricacies all to its own. And surprise, there is no guidebook.
Unless this relationship morphs into an actual friendship—or a more formal longterm teacher-disciple kind of relationship—once the lessons needed have been learned and integrated, the student is often done. And that’s OK. That is the way it should be.
So please don’t take it personal when they cycle out on their journey.
Keep tabs on what they are doing.
Notice how much they have grown.
Offer your support, and…
Congratulate them on their successes!
Encourage them with your whole heart. Because they deserve it. They did a ton of work too! The lion’s share of the work actually. So much stuff that you probably don’t even know about!
Beating the odds against themselves, and stepping into their true potential?? You know damn well that is some seriously epic work.
Even if they NEVER tell you directly how much you helped them. Even if they don’t give you credit for all the support you gave them….
You can smile and rest inside knowing you had a hand in helping them live out their true destiny. You helped them become the teacher and leader they were meant to be. And now look at how many more lives are being changed for the better as a result!
This is your work,
and your destiny.
You are living it!!
and never stop setting those birds freeee! ;)
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